1:21000

It's nothing to brag about, and it certainly isn't definitive, but the results of our Down's syndrome screening test were high enough to bring a tear of joy to this expectant mother's eyes.

We love you scrobble. Any which way you come. xoxo

Rob Ryan

just as the week begins to slip away from us and slide into another weekend, i finally manage to get my post about last the other weekend ready. highlighting just how long i take to do anything, as well as how stupendously fast the weeks are flying by right now.

mb and i have vowed to squeeze in as many little trips out as we can before* scrobble arrives. so after hearing last the other weekend from my well informed sister that one of my favourite artists, rob ryan, was doing a book signing at the yorkshire sculpture park we i headed out for the day.

once we'd discovered that mr ryan was there to sign his new book a sky full of kindness, a story about two birds about to embark on the adventure of becoming first time parents, we absolutely knew that this would be our first ever gift to scrobble. rob ryan's work was a direct influence in the design of our wedding invites so we knew that, along with the perfect storyline, gorgeous artwork and sweet poetry that this would be the ideal birthday present for our bebe.

we made a jolly good day of it too, stopping off for lunch before queuing for hours to meet the man himself. and i must say, he really was as sweet as his artwork.

we then proceeded to meet up with my sister and her boy and mooched around the rest of the sculpture park, which is one helluva lovely place, and enjoyed the early autumn evening.

we cant wait to give scrobble his/her first ever birthday present.

*and after..

the things they dont tell you about pregnancy - part one, week 1-15*

image credit everyeskimo

below is a list of some of the things my friends, peers, family, medical professionals and online resources did NOT tell me about the first 15 weeks of pregnancy. i thought it was about time we ladies had a realistic, real-time account of what pregnancy is actually like.....here goes....


1. you will not know the true meaning of the word tired until you're pregnant. you won't be able to express properly to anyone just how tired you are and more than this, few people will care/understand. you'll feel like your body and brain has been abducted, governed by something else. possessed maybe. and thus ghoul wants you to SLEEP and sleep only.

2. your female peers will lose interest in your pregnancy quickly. about the time you begin to feel shit, probably. sympathy will be hard to come by from anyone, much less women. and don't expect for a second that your boss will care, or be happy to let you go home at 2pm to go and sleep for another 12 hours. the less obvious your side effects, the less people will care to notice that you're a defunct shell of a human being.

3. your breasts will become demonised, they'll hurt like hell and will grow FAST. but this is one side effect that you'll probably love it - you're partner certainly will. don't expect to fit in any one bra for long. they'll change shape, and form a conical like shape, very quickly. this area will be the most pregnant area of your body for some time.

4. you'll turn into a food monster. eating [and sleeping] will dominate your day and if you miss a meal or snack on the wrong thing, you'll feel close to death in seconds. eating will keep you alive, it will see you through your exhaustion and sickness. make it a priority and eat carb and protein rich foods. fuck diets of any kind. cheese, potatoes, beans all got me through the first 10 weeks. keep snacks and drinks in your handbag at all times. you cannot underestimate how important this knowledge is.

5. you'll feel an amazing sense of achievement when you get to 12 weeks and will relax (a little), almost immediately.

6. your first scan is fast. really fast. you're lucky if you get 5 minutes with your on-screen baby. enjoy it. it's amazing and you will love your baby immediately. don't expect that you will cry when you see your baby on screen - you might do but i was too excited/fascinated to cry, let alone have the time to! you'll be excited before the appointment and your partner will be anxious. you will swap roles afterwards.

7. do NOT drink 2 pints of water before your scan. you will burst and you WILL, without a doubt, get told to empty it anyway. drink normally before the appointment and have a wee around 45 mins before. that is more than enough for a pregnant woman as your bladder has been rendered defunct, and you can't look at a glass of water without peeing.

8. your boobs will stop hurting as fast as they started and they'll stop and start probably for the rest of your pregnancy. your body will change almost daily, you'll worry at first that this means something is wrong. it isn't and you'll get used to it. remember that your body is being held hostage and is not working how it used to. second guessing is hopeless.

9. morning sickness comes in many guises and if you're lucky, like me, you won't suffer too badly. BUT it won't happen to you just in the morning and you won't just be sick. but if you suffer, you'll suffer. to widely varying degrees. and i'm afraid to say you'll be expected to just get on with it.

10. giving up alcohol is easier than you'd think but surprisingly you won't necessarily want to.

11. giving up/reducing caffeine is harder than you'd think and you definitely won't want to.

12. the pregnancy glow thing is a fallacy. least it has been for me up till now. expect bad skin, bad hair and bad nails for months.

13. you'll think of nothing else but your baby/pregnancy for possibly, forever. as scary as it can seem, you'll be parenting from day one.

14. for the first trimester all you'll think about is getting that lovely bump. then, when it springs itself upon you, you'll instantly worry you look/feel fat. you don't.

15. your moods will be dangerously changeable. you'll feel invisible and are likely to speak your mind to dangerous degrees. you may find your patience with strangers is tested and that you experience a heightened sense of road rage. people should stay clear of an angry pregnant woman. she's likely to get violent.

16. your pre-pregnancy labour fears will fizzle away to nothing as soon as you find out you're expecting. that or nature cleverly tucks then away in the depths of your mind. after all, you have so many other things to think about now. like being a mommy!

17. hair. you'll get it in strange places, lots of it and it grows fast. sad. but true.

18. despite the incredible effort it takes being pregnant, you'll love it [most of the time]. and will feel love & the strong desire to protect your baby from day one.

19. you're not alone. your husband/partner is likely to really step up to the plate and will take great care of you and your little baby. you're friends, especially the ones who have had babies before, will be a stella support and cannot be underestimated.

20. your parents and in laws will become fascinated with how you are and what you're doing and may possibly hound you daily for updates. it can get a bit much when all you want to do is hide under your duvet all day. try to embrace it though. you'll need them.


*these are just some of the things i have experienced in my pregnancy so far. your experiences may be very different to mine but one that we can all probably agree on is how unbelievably, earth-shatteringly exhausting this gig is. i'd love to hear all about other ladies experiences though... how is it going for you??

xoxo

day 88 - going back in time

a few weeks back you'll have heard me complaining about having 3 weeks stolen from my pregnancy. to say i was disgruntled is probably an understatement. i'd felt such a sense of achievement by getting to 12 weeks that to be dragged back in time to 10 weeks felt disappointing. 

suddenly i felt vulnerable. and from the moment i stepped out of the sonographer's room, i worried for our tiny little child. the level of attachment i felt to this tiny little being after the scan surprised me, and from that moment i couldn't take my mind off the safety of our little baby.

our first scan was an odd experience for me. i'd had such high hopes of coming away uplifted and excited but instead i came away disappointed and scared*. thankfully after around a week i'd managed to get a grip on my emotions and perhaps managed to exert some patience and managed to start relaxing.

and finally, two weeks later, it was time to do it all over again. and i have to say this time, was far more successful....it's quite incredible how much this little creature has grown and developed in two weeks...

scrobble at 10 weeks + 2 days

scrobble at 12 weeks + 5 days

this time we fell super lucky and got ourselves a very gentle and placid, australian male sonographer. he was kind and soft, calm and he took his time to explore our minute child. all the while explaining to us what everything was. hands, feet, brain**, heart, spine. everything right there in front of us to see. it was truly magical and completely uplifting.

he even gave me back three days of my pregnancy, for which i'm grateful. and for the extra trouble he went to to give us extra photos, we're forever indebted to him. i truly hope we get to meet him again. i could have laid there all day watching our little person wriggle around.

our baby is due on the 22nd april 2012.

scrobble's close up

scrobble's amazingly tiny arm & hand

and since these incredible photos were taken, i've fallen very quickly into my 14th week of pregnancy and my second trimester. things are looking up, i'm feeling good and slowly but surely, a little rotund belly is appearing.

at 2.9 inches this baby is finally making itself known.


*that's not to say i didn't also feel relief. that little flickering heart was a sight to behold.
** would you just look at that brain! seeing that brain was a true revelation for me. i'm so amazed by this little person and everything he/she has achieved so far, and with a brain like that, this baby will go far!! :)

10+2

this little darling is our tiny little scrobble at 10+2 weeks. NOT the 13 weeks i had been previously told i was. so, it is with some reluctance that i head back in time with my little one [i really felt a sense of accomplishment upon reaching 12 weeks], but with a huge sense of relief that the little one is doing well. growing as expected. heart beating like the clappers. and dancing around deep inside of me like a gud 'un. this baby can throw some shapes already!

this tiny little creature is our child. and i'm completely in love with him/her already.

in addition to this good news, we get to go back in two weeks and do it all over again so the little one can be given a due date. i estimate it will be a late april date but i predict a may baby. which makes me smile. we like may in this house. my boy's birthday is in may and we also get married in the same month so it's a happy time for us so a may baby would be welcomed in this house. obviously, we dont really care when bebe decides to come, so long as he/she comes along safe and sound and happy.

i hope to be having this conversation again in two weeks, with another picture. this shit is addictive. i cannot stop looking at that picture of the little peanut.

most of all, i'm surprised by how much this very quick scan [the sonographer didn't want us to hang around after putting me at 10 weeks], i love this tiny little being already.

we are ready for this shit.

ready. and excited.

i'm also beginning to enjoy being pregnant. and rather oddly, i'm looking forward to becoming a bloater.

but not as much as i'm looking forward to meeting scrobble for the first time.

day 88

by vika bakirova

so, we made it to 12 weeks. 12 weeks and 3 days to be precise. the day we reached 12 weeks was a good day. the first day i've felt semi human in a while and the 1st day of mb's return from oz. i was a happy lady.

then came 12 weeks and 1 day. and everything changed. i felt generally crappy again, something i'm now used to, although not entirely comfortable with. but more obscure than that, reaching 12 weeks brought with it a whole new host of worries. i'd quite easily say i'm more anxious now than i have been in the previous 5 weeks.

i've wondered what the real reason for this is.

could it be that our scan is coming up in 4 days time and i'm anxious to hear that everything is ok?
could it be that, although i definitely do not feel well, i feel considerably better and that is confusing my mind?
could it be the very recent onset of stomach aches and cramps?
or could it be the constant lower back ache i'm now adding to my list of pregnancy ailments?

either way, the combination of all of these are making me worry more than i probably need to. i just wish friday would hurry up and get here. already. so i can put my mind. at. rest.

another thing i think is a high contender are dopplers. now, before now, i've always been pretty laid back about the pregnancy affair. i'm not overly fussy and am quite happy to wait until our scans to see and hear our baby. i've heard of people using dopplers at home before and have heard how addictive they become and how they can, if you're that way inclined, make you worry more....

...my good friend donated a doppler to me the other day - i think it's safe to say i wouldn't have gone out of my way to buy one - but i was very happy to receive the donation from her. i put it away neatly and didn't give using it much thought for a little while as mb was away and i didn't want him to miss out on hearing srobble's heartbeat for the first time - i also thought it was too soon to be able to hear it. it wasn't until i saw online you can hear the heartbeat from around 12 weeks that i thought excitedly, 'let's give it a go'. i honestly, didn't expect to hear anything and i didn't really know what i was doing with it. so, it's no surprise then that we couldn't find a heartbeat. 'nothing to worry about', i told myself and mb. 'the scan is on friday, i still feel distinctively pregnant - everything is ok, i just dont know what i'm doing with this machine' [and i still dont if truth be told].

so why, now, can i not STOP thinking about this and why i am worrying myself over it? i cannot get it out of my head. and now i have to wait four torturous days to find out if everything is ok.

i honestly, wish i'd not tried the doppler before the scan. i do think, that devices like this should come with clear cut instructions on how to use. after all - it's a medical device that really, only an expert should be using. and it makes me wonder how many other women have experienced the same worry after inadequately using one of these machines?

i'd be really interested to hear other ladies thoughts on this device and how many of you would recommend them to your pregnant friends?

i'm unsure of my conclusion so far, i guess i'll have a better stance on the matter come friday but i DO think that they should not be used lightly. all manner of worry and alarm can come from it. if you have a medical condition or history that requires that level of monitoring then sure, these machines can be VERY helpful. but surely they should come with more than a paragraph or two of vague instructions. i mean, the one i used doesn't even tell you what to do if you dont find a heartbeat.

i mean, really, what DO you do?

wait?

day 79

in short.....

our baby is now a fetus [yay] and is the size of a lime. apparently. though i'm not sure my stomach reflects this just yet...

my uterus will make the journey out of my pelvis and away from my bladder* in the coming days.

my jebs barely fit into any of my bras anymore, i'm going to have to invest in some more bras**. again. already. on the plus side, they're like rocks and hardly need supporting by anything other than the barrage of hormones currently holding my real breasts hostage.

i'm in my 11th week of pregnancy. already.

my husband is on the other side of the planet and scrobble and i are lonely. however, i do enjoy the updates i'm getting from my boy. especially the one about his haircut from a vietnamese lady boy in sydney train station. the things he does when i'm not around. surprisingly, it's a good result....

what a handsome boy he is. miss you mb. xoxo

*thank the lord! maybe this means my multitude of nightly trips to the loo will be reduced for a while and i will finally get some sleep. maybe.

** how hard is it to find maternity bras for ladies with a narrow back. i cannot find anything smaller than a 34 back. i need a 30 peeps!!! anyone know where i can find some???