The day that changed everything. The day I found out I’m going to be a mom.

4 June 2014


Since taking part in the 52 project and Living Arrows I have been taking an abundance of photos and choosing just one image per week is proving difficult. I'm trying so hard to force myself to be better at self-editing but it leaves so many images that I like behind that I have decided I have to do something with them.

I'm planning a monthly round-up of the outtakes, like a 'month in the life of' sort-a-thing - a bit like my ten on ten contributions so far.. I'm certain there's a linky going round that already does this - I need to find it! But expect that to be appearing shortly, even if I do have a lot of work to do - I'll be going back all the way to April at least and that's going to be a lot of photies.

A photo of my son | once a week | every week | in 2014

Chuck: you are blossoming my dear. You are like the seasons. You have a natural force and a sweet determination behind you pushing you forward every day.

You are fast becoming a little boy and we converse now, all the time. You told me your first story the other day. It talked about how our cat, Squeasel, was flitting between being trapped inside our kitchen bin and playing on the ipad. We needed to get her out of the bin and when we did, she put our other cat, Fat Pat, into the bin in her place. Obviously Pat now needed saving from the bin and from Squeasel, who kept putting her back into the bin; when she wasn't busy on the ipad. Obviously.

As each day progresses though, my respect for you grows. I'm working, constantly, on remaining compassionate and patient. I genuinely believe it's paying dividends though. You are so pleasant, friendly, calm, confident. I believe that having somebody you can constantly depend upon and trust is really enabling you to be yourself; without fear. Even though you probably aren't yet able to understand it fully, I think you know I always have your back. In fact, I don't think you have any clue of the alternative and that fills my soul. This is my goal.

Linking up with Jodi and Living Arrows.

28 May 2014


A portrait of my son | once a week |every week | in 2014

Your beloved blanket is well and truly on its way out. I've tried to find resources to fix it but so far I've failed. I'm told it can't be done so I guess the only option is to make you a new one. I'd like to try and make it myself, even though I can't [yet] crochet, so that if [when] you reject it can, at least, remain as a handmade token of love. Even if you don't [won't?] love it. I'll understand if you can't love you new 'Bee'. Afterall, you've lived with and loved this blanket of yours from the day you were born. You love it so much you have embraced the giant hole in the centre and have incorporated it into your relationship with the soft [and smelly] blanket. You wear it as a poncho and run around chasing the cats. You are accepting of the changes this blanket is presenting to you.

Perhaps watching your blanket disappear before your eyes will be a good lesson in loss for you but until then I'll do my best to find something to help keep your relationship with your best friend going strong.

And despite appearances here, you were having fun when I took this photo.

Linking up with Jodi and Living Arrows

20 May 2014


A portrait of my son | once a week | every week | in 2014

Here you are - showing the world - your true and natural glow. You are not a serious boy, despite how many of these photographs are depicting you. Here you are in your element. Joy is never far from your face. You are a light, my child. You are a light.

Linking up with Jodi and Living Arrows.

Melting pot

Pale bluey-grey eyes, like mine, only brighter, shinier - younger.

Hair that grows like grass, like mine, only lighter, smoother and softer, like silk. But it still gets knotty as heck, like Mama's.

A chin that has yet to define itself as Mama's or Pappa's, but we're all praying for Daddy's chin.

Impressive hands, feet and height which has to be a Barker trait. I'm sure you'll grow up to be a bear one of these days.

Loud, crazy, energetic, wacky and loopy. And funny! You may very well grow up to be "weird and annoying", but in the most endearing of ways.

Impatient and grumpy in relation to lack of food and sleep. Sorry Floppit*, that's my bad.

Compassion and tenderness and free-love - all yours kiddo, all yours.

Truly giving and naturally friendly and so so trusting.

Stay you little man, stay you.

*My latest term of endearment for the little man. A natural combination of Flower and Poppet and I can't stop myself from saying it, no matter how daft it sounds.

12 May 2014

Ten on ten - May

A feverent toddler greeted me this morning at an eye-wateringly early 4.20am. I don't know what has happened to his sleeping pattern but the last few weeks have been fraught with sleepless nights and early mornings. I'm guessing there must be some kind of goings-on, developmentally, for the little fella. That or it's his teeth but I'm not so convinced it's the latter. All I do know is that a slew of early mornings and disturbed nights makes for long, grumpy days. For everybody concerned. I'm hoping that Chuck manages to grasp whatever new skills are forming in his brain soon so we can all start to wind down and begin to enjoy the long, bright days - instead of dreading them. 4.20am really has no business being so blummin' bright.

Despite the early start to today I was determined not to let last week's momentum slip away from me, so here I am with May's ten on ten. I confess, I'm both a little proud and surprised that I managed to pull this out the bag so quickly...

I'm really beginning to see the benefits of a challenge like this. Not only is it useful for progressing one's skills but it's also helpful in highlighting to me my weaknesses - both photographically and personally.

This month's 10th was unique. I had a day off and, while the boys travelled an hour up the M1 to see Grandma, I got to enjoy getting dressed at leisure, meet a friend for coffee/beer, talk [uninterrupted and using adult words] and discover that I have gone a few steps backwards in terms of personal development recently. I think there's probably a longer post brewing here about how becoming a stay-at-home mama has huge implications on a woman's life - and not necessarily the usual changes you'd expect to hear about. I'll have to have a deep ponder on that one and see if I can pull enough words out of my cotton-wool head to articulate myself properly. Why do you think I use images so much? I've lost a heck of a lot of words over the last two years.

Anyhoo - I hope you are enjoying these projects. Join in, the benefits are completely surprising.

11 May 2014

All caught up

It's a miracle. Not only have I gotten myself caught up on the 52 Project and Living Arrows but I have published 3 posts to my blog - in ONE week - and with the imminent arrival of this month's ten on ten project I'm set to have 5 blog posts in a week. Phew. That's me done for the year.

No. I'm not going down like that. I'm sticking with this momentum and I'm at the very least vowing to stay on top of the projects that i've tasked myself with this year. I can't wait to see how it all pans out come the end of the year. I'm planning on making photo books for each project as keepsakes as also as a tangible visual reference to my [hopeful] progression in photography. I'm really quite excited.

16 - Sitting still, if only for a moment.
17 - Exploring nature during a weekend away. You remind us so much of Ryan Adams in this little denim jacket.
18 - Concentrating on playing cars in the garden and wearing my favourite tee-shirt of the moment.
19 - Taking a moment to yourself, engrossed in a spot of television.

8 May 2014

The 52 Project

So timekeeping is not my thing. I'm learning this about myself, it's not that hard to figure out I suppose but at least I am slowly learning important things about myself. I'm in the process of trying to make some internal changes, I'm trying to live life happier, more simply [thanks Jodi for the inspiration], with more gratitude and I'm bearing in mind how many improvements I could make to my housekeeping and timekeeping skills. It's a slow process as I don't want to beat myself up or convince myself that what I do now is not enough - I do enough of that already!

As for the 52 Project, well, I may not have been posting but I have at least been taking photos. My trouble comes when it's editing time. I don't yet know enough to always know what I want to do with an image or how. I'm figuring stuff out bit by bit so a lot of these images will almost be like guinea pigs and I imagine my editing style will hop about a bit until I find my niche. But that's no bad thing. It's a personal education, afterall.

So without further ado, here are portraits 10 through 15. Almost up-to-date! I will do this. I WILL.







10. Probably the last time you needed to wear your hat and coat combo this year. Always looking into the distance, rarely looking into the camera - not that I mind - so long as I get to see those steely-blue eyes.

11. You in a sea of children at one of your first ever birthday parties. This was the only shot I got of you interacting with the other children, you much preferred to play solo that day, it was only the lure of a marshmallow on a string that pulled you out of your own little party.

12. Starey sleepy eyes. A spot of babywearing with Daddy in the Lake District. We had a lovely, but exhausting, little break with your Aunt Amanda, Uncle Any [the 'man'] and your favourite cousin, Katherine.

13. Naked tunnel building. You're really beginning to enjoy exploring your own body and you revel in the feel of new textures and temperatures against your soft, peachy skin.

14. Such a sweet moment of deep thought. It's really difficult to catch you like this. You're almost always moving/doing. And crumbs. Oh the crumbs.

15. You were still my one-year-old at this point. You love your milk, now more than ever and that blanket. God forbid anything ever happen to that blanket. It's your crutch.

Linking up with Jodi for the 52 project and the ladies over at iheartsnapping


The day that changed everything. The day I found out I'm going to be a mom.

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